Sometimes when we’re down we’re too exhausted, too drained
to get up. We’re fighting against a raging river that’s determined
to take us downstream. But we want to go up. We really don’t want
to be where we are, fighting this river. Yet the reality is a number
of events and choices have brought us to exactly this place. Now we
feel the enormousness of it, the pull and pressure of the current. And
now we feel what we are afraid of feeling – a loss of control.
Consider the possibility that you keep coming back to this space in
life because there is something specific to learn, to understand, or
to let go. So this time, before you wrench yourself free only
to rush forward without looking back, try something different. Give
yourself permission to be down. (see side Note)
But first, and most important, know and believe that you do not have
to stay down. Be willing to believe that there is a way out. You just
haven’t found it yet. Imagine it as a light at the end of the tunnel,
or the moon on an overcast night obscured by the clouds, or like the
refrigerator light that doesn’t shine until you open the door.
Go ahead. Let loose. Don’t be afraid to feel what it’s like
to be really down. Do a physical down. Lie down. Sit down on
the floor. Safely, physically be as low as you can go. Instead of fighting
to get up, maybe you need to stop resisting and feel the feeling of
being down.
In frustration you cry, “No way! I’m tired of feeling like
this!”
Good.
Because when you’re really tired of it, you’ll be more open
to change. That’s what it takes for some of us to get it. It’s
a big lesson and, because of our resistance to it, it hits hard.
So before you get up, take the time to assess this place of down-ness,
this land of low. Think about the sadness, the disappointment, the embarrassment,
the unworthiness - whatever those events and feelings are that brought
you here; the very same ones you’ve been trying so hard to avoid.
Look at it all and acknowledge the truth of what you feel. Know that
your time here will be limited. Know this feeling will pass.
Even a raging river eventually reaches a place of calm, of stillness.
If you can get into it, draw any images that come to mind reflecting
what it’s like to be in this place. Use colored pens, pencils,
crayons. Or write out the words, thoughts, feelings and experiences
that might describe this place. What does it remind you of, if anything?
Give yourself permission
to name it, define it, own it and know it on different levels.
Maybe you’re not sure of what you’re seeing and feeling. It
doesn’t make sense to you. Maybe you even feel “stupid”
for “letting something bother” you so much. That’s okay.
There’s nothing to judge here. You have the right to feel whatever
you feel, but take this time to understand it. Write out the confusion
or just list the things that come to mind. You can figure it out later.
But for now, get it out of your head!
Now ask yourself these three questions:
- What, if anything, is there to learn from feeling this way?
- Why does it have to be so hard?
-What in all of this could I possibly be thankful for?
Now maybe you read the questions but didn’t take the time to answer.
Think about it now or think about it later, but give yourself a chance
to learn from the experience that keeps coming back to haunt you. There
is a positive in there somewhere, maybe more than one.
- Think of something you learned from this experience. There is truth
in powerful emotions. For example, facing a fear of being alone can
teach you about your personal worth and plant seeds to self-confidence.
What wisdom have you gained?
- Why is it so hard? Resistance is always difficult. What were you so
afraid of feeling that made you fight so hard to keep away? What was
the source of that pain?
- How could you possibly be thankful for such a difficult experience?
Thankful that it’s over? Yes, but is it possible that the degree
of difficulty is equal to the importance of the lesson? You might say,
being fired from your job was the worst thing but it gave you an opportunity
to change a job you were really not happy with anyway. It nudged you
out the door. So what do you understand now that you didn’t get
before? And how will this knowledge be a positive influence in your
future?
Experience+Knowledge + Understanding = Wisdom
After you’ve assessed this place, after you’ve allowed yourself
to feel what you were feeling in that moment - only then can you make
a conscious shift. You can choose a brighter path because you know what
the low path was like. You’ve felt the difference. You’ve
gone passed the intellectual and reached an emotional level. You’ve
looked some fear squarely in the eye and in so doing, released some
of its power over you. When you can face the fear directly, you provide
an opportunity to diffuse it, and often find that it wasn’t quite
as big as you thought.
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C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!
So when you feel down and are struggling to get back up, stop and give
yourself permission to be where you are. Take some time and stop resisting.
Surrender to it. Let the fighting energy drain out of you and allow
yourself to just BE. You may have entered a process that must complete,
must cycle out. So let go and simply be where you are. Feel the feelings.
Make no effort to get up, not yet. Welcome full awareness. Complete
the cycle.
Then, as you get up, get physical! Shake it all off – like a long-haired
dog after a swim in the lake. Or stomp your feet, urging the negative
energy out of the cells in your body and into the ground – to be
transformed.
Now when you stand, stand tall. Acknowledge, appreciate, and honor the
process you’ve allowed yourself to experience. Congratulate yourself
on your strength and reclaim your sense of personal power.
Then the next step will become clear.
And the wisdom gained will light your path.
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