© 2019 Deborah Jenae. All rights reserved.

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Santa Ynez, California, USA •  805-688-9370

A Reminder for the Child Abuse Survivor

THE ASSESSMENT

I know now that they were wrong to treat me with such disrespect and disregard. I was a child deserving of love, protection, encouragement, and support. I deserved to be cherished, not abused. I deserved compassion, not cruelty. But these are qualities they did not know or understand.

 

I can only imagine what they might have experienced

to make it “okay” in their minds to allow or to treat me in such harmful ways. But that is their story to reconcile,

one that started way before me.

 

For too long I thought I was the one to blame and I simply had not yet done enough to deserve their loving attention.

 

I realize that it was never really about me. I was simply there. They did not see me. Yet I can see that I have carried their pain and their fear forward, causing great harm to myself.

 

I realize that as an adult I have minimized my feelings, just as my feelings were minimized or disregarded then. I felt like nothing and I have been too lost and afraid to look at my own reflection because of the misguided possibility

that they were right.

 

I know it’s time to shake off the doubt, the insecurity, and the helplessness that I have felt for so long.

I am not bad, worthless, or unlovable, yet, if that’s what I feel, I am choosing to feel that way and to accept their fears as mine.

 

I realize that for me to feel the love – in all ways necessary for me to thrive – I need to look no further than my own heart, my own soul.

 

I am magnificent. I am a child of the universe. I can see beyond the abuse to the truly unlimited potential that I possess. I see my light.

 

FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD

I acknowledge and demonstrate the love that I am.

 

When I hear their voice or remember their actions, I will shake off the dust and stand proud to have survived

and to have the opportunity to discover new and positive ways to express myself – the lovable and worthy self that I am.

 

I no longer turn their harmful words and actions inward. I release that negative energy to be transformed and to set myself free to live a life of my choosing, using my talents and expressing myself in the very best ways possible and in ways yet to be imagined.

 

I no longer manifest the memories as pain, illness, and dis-ease. Instead, I acknowledge and embrace the persistence, creativity, strength, and loyalty it took for me to survive.

 

I accept that I cannot change what happened, but I can change how I feel about it, how it affects me – or not – what I have learned from the experience, and how I choose to live now.

 

I no longer look to others to validate my worth, approve of my existence, or appreciate what I say and do because I validate, approve, and appreciate me – not in any egotistical sense – but in the simple acknowledgment that I, too, have value.

 

I wish it could have been different but in accepting my history I have the freedom to make my own choices going forward.

 

This is my life. And I AM a lovable and worthwhile person living a loving and worthwhile life.